Thursday, February 5, 2009

At wit's end

I am having such a hard time figuring out how this angelic face

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can be such a little terror at his Mother's Day Out Program. In just a four hour period today, my little Jack received not one time-out but five. Reasons ranged from not listening during class to not participating in crafts and apparently he also hit someone.

I just don't know what to do because when we're at home or at church or even out in public he's one of the sweetest kids ever...very polite and for the most part very obedient. In fact, when I talked to him about what happened today at school he was telling me all about it nonchalantly, that is until he realized I was crying - and then he too started to cry and told me he didn't like seeing me upset. Don't get me wrong, he has his ornery moments at home too, but never anything like this.

I am terribly upset and beyond bewildered at how to handle this situation. I feel as if I am failing at being a good parent somehow and I don't know what to do about it.

And just so you all know, it is very hard for me to write all this down for the world to see. I am without a doubt one of those women that likes for others to see me and say "Wow, she really has it together." I guess I'm just trying to keep it real here.

23 comments:

♥georgie♥ said...

awwwww Melinda...I think we all have those moments, well i have them all the time lol...my middle bean is always doing something he shouldn't when he is away from home...
I wish i had some great words of advice for you....just know you are a GOOD Mom and sometimes our lil beanie weenies like to push boundaries....I think it is a boy thing ;-)
(((HUGS)))

Stacey said...

I'm so sorry Melinda. I know how hard that was to write about...it is so hard to admit that we don't have it all together all the time and our children - whom we love and adore - aren't perfect.

Lord knows I don't have any advice, as I have been living in this world of "what on earth do I do" for so long...but all I can say is that YOU ARE A WONDERFUL mother. I know you do all that you can humanly do, and that is all we can be expected to do. We take their behavior and how they act in public so personally...after all, we created them and they are a reflection of us...right? But in truth they are their own little self, and although we do the best we can with them, sometimes the combination of being a kid and not having all of the self control abilities yet just gets the best of them.

Always know that you aren't alone... All any of us can do is our best, and that is all God requires of us. I will be praying that he will behave better for you at his next one... ((HUGS))

The McDowells said...

You are far from failing being at good mom! I am sure we are in for a world of hurt with our own kids, especially if they take after me-I once got thrown out of a class when my parents were on a ski vacation for biting other kids and they wouldn't take me back-my poor parents. I am not an expert by any means, but have you thought about just taking him out of the MDO program? Hang in there, you are not alone in days like these!

Heidi said...

**hugs***

Debbie said...

That's just part of finding their way in the world outside of us. He's young. Don't worry.

Michelle said...

I have given you an award at my blog. Come check it out. :)

Mandy, Dustin and Thomas said...

Just like us, I’m sure he has his bad days. I’m sending lots of hugs your way.

Mrs. E. said...

Oh, Melinda, I'm so sorry. Just so you know. . . I've been there too - I bet I can say, we ALL have been there. I can specifically remember one of my boys' behavior bringing me to tears and not knowing what to do. It's hard at this moment to remember. . . but it's true. . . a single situation does not reflect the whole child.

And thank you for bringing cheer to my day. I'm honored by the award! :)
Heather

Mandy said...

You aren't a bad mom, but I know what you mean. Today Mason threw his shoe during nap time and hit a kid who was sleeping. I can't imagine that he was aiming for the kid. Last week I had to give permission for MDO to tie him to a chair for time out because he won't stay. Your aren't alone! Remember, he's just a kid and you're doing a great job.

Baloney said...

If you had perfect children and were the perfect parent in a perfect world you would have nothing interesting to share in your blog! Besides, we are all human and have bad days.
I wouldn't worry about it unless it keeps happening. How sweet that he responded to you being upset. That says a lot (to me) about his sweet heart.

Baloney said...

Oh - and my kid was on yellow today because he was hyper and wouldn't listen. :)

Shawna Byrd said...

I don't have any advice. I just thought you should know that you are a good mommy, and that Jack is a good kid.

DeeBee said...

We all have moments like this and reaching out to friends is the best way to get through it. I'm glad you are sharing. Don't worry, he's probably just testing the waters. I've posted on my blog recently about having two of my kids sent to in-house detention within the same month. That was not a fun time.

Amber said...

Melinda-I don't have much experience with boys, obviously, but I'm wondering something. Wasn't it Jack's class a while back that wanted him to do all that scissor stuff? From a developmental perspective, that is a bit ahead of a new 4 year old. Did you ask what the craft was that they were making? Maybe he's acting out in frustration. I firmly believe that children have to learn to behave all the time, not just when life is perfect, but sometimes little ones aren't equipped to say, "excuse me, but I really don't know how to write all my letters in glitter" so they just throw things, run off, or get into trouble. I have no idea if this is the situation, but it happens sometimes around here. Especially with my middle one, who is almost to be 4. When she senses more attention going to either of her sisters, she will act out. She gets into trouble but a lot of time that punishment is followed by a face-to-face discussion of how to go about asking me for help or attention. And lots of hugs. Usually when I get to the bottom of why she is acting unfavorably, we can resolve it and move on. Its just an idea. I'll keep thinking on it for you. Usually, 50 moms putting their heads' together can figure it out. But, you are a good mom! Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Melinda said...

Amber - it was Jack's class that was doing the scissor work. As for yesterdays crafts, I believe they were simply making Valentine's Day card holders out of shoe boxes. Thanks for your suggestions though and for being such a caring friend. This motherhood stuff is hard : )

And thanks to everyone else for not only letting me vent but also for being caring enough to leave beautiful comments of support and understanding. It was very much needed and appreciated. ((HUGS)) to you all!

Dana-from chaos to Grace said...

Well, as a preschool teacher for SO long, it could be SEVERAL things going on here. And NONE of which makes YOU a bad parent or HIM a bad child. ;) Let's just clear that up right now.

Sometimes it can be just a matter of a personality clash he is having either with his teachers or another child. It happens. What does he say about class? Does he enjoy going? What does he say about his teachers? I'm not saying it's the teachers fault, however, I've done this for a LONG time and I've seen teachers that just KNOW how to push buttons. 5 time-outs seems to be a bit excessive to me. I think redirection works so much better, along with kindness, but FIRMNESS when needed.

I could be TOTALLY off the mark, but something definitely is not kosher there in MDO-world...and it could be frustration either because he's bored or he's not quite getting what they expect of him.

But no matter what, you are a great Mommy. Bad mommies don't care what is going on with their kiddos. ;)

Amber said...

Well, I'm glad its not that he's being pushed too much in the craft area. In my job, I see this a lot. Schools expect much more out of kids than they are capable of, especially so young. My other thought, is that how long are they expecting him to sit and do tablework? Grace's 1st grade teacher told me she expects her students to sit & attend for 1 minute per age-that's 6-7 minutes for those kids! Crazy! That means she's doing about 10 activities per hour. I cannot imagine. That also means that Jack should be expected to do about 4 minutes. At this age, I would have been shocked if Grace could sit for even that long. She hated all things fine motor, and anything that required her to sit. Maybe just a thought. Also, are they letting them go out and run around? THis is so important for boys.

I'm with the last commenter-I think something isn't quite right, and I applaud you for trying to figure it out. From my OT perspective (that's my job-occupational therapist) good kids act this way when something is off. Good luck! I'll keep thinking.

Liz Brack said...

i just wanted to let you know we had a similar incident the other day too at MDO. And I do agree with one of your friend on the tasks they are doing and the level these boys are on. Also, a few of these "teachers" are very young,inexperienced in many ways, and are also still learning the ropes.
We have a policy at home that when you get in trouble at scohol you'll be in trouble at home too. So I hope I made an impact on mine and we'll see how next week goes.
I've seen all the fun things you do with your boys. You are a great mom.

Melinda said...

Thanks girls for your continued support. Liz, I am with you...I told Jack that getting in trouble at school was the least of his worries : )

Anonymous said...

Glad to see everyone is so quick to blame the "teachers." That is the problem with today's society--someone else is always to blame. Aren't we forgetting something? Who is your child's FIRST and MOST IMPORTANT teacher? THE PARENTS! And if the program isn't what you think it should be, stop sending your kids. How hard is that?

This is crazy...I could get on here and write all about a fairy tale mommy life, post a few photo ops of my kiddies, and you all would eat it up. You would shower me with praise and "blog awards" and not even have a clue if I am some crazy psycho. Maybe we should get busy with our real lives and out of the fantasy world. ((hugs))

Melinda said...

Anonymous - I appreciate your comment and completely agree that the teachers aren't enitrely to blame here. It is definitely the parent's job to raise and teach their children how to behave properly; which I believe was my entire point of this post. I am trying to get to the bottom of my child's behavior problems...not the teacher's.

As for what some of my commenters said...I believe they too were just stating that my child may either be frustrated by the dificulty or bored by the activities which is why he acts out...again, my child's behavior is at hand, not the teacher's.

As for living in a "fantasy world" as you stated, if that were the case, I would not have posted this at all. I think it is so important for us to not only share our successes with one another, but also our trials and tribulations...that way, we can support one another and realize that others often face the same struggles.

Again, thank you for your insight but please know that I hold nothing against my child's teachers. They are precious women who have been very kind to even put together this program for us stay-at-home-mom's who occassionally need a little time-out of our own.

Stacey said...

Wow, Melinda...you are soooo tactful. I couldn't have been so nice. I'm so sorry something so awful like that was directed at you. OBVIOUSLY they don't know you, know how involved you are in your children's lives, or how blessed they are that you are their mother. ((HUGS))

kbreints said...

Oh my goodness... no child is good all the time! It sounds to me like he does not like something about the class... I am sure that you have, but have you asked him about it?

It sounds like there is an underlying issue.. maybe with the teacher?

But no mom likes to hear critisim about there child. not.fun.

He is adorable by the way!!